


In this life and the next, I'll always love you.

by mikki_strange



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Crank Newt, Deviates From Canon, Everything Hurts, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Ouch, Page 250, The Author Regrets Nothing, from newt's perspective, newt remembering tommy, page 205 rewrite, poor babies, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 20:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4193934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikki_strange/pseuds/mikki_strange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those moments, when it was just him and Tommy existing together, Newt didn't have to be strong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In this life and the next, I'll always love you.

They say it’s hard to romanticise brown eyes, but Newt knows better. He could write a thousand sonnets about how Tommy’s eyes manage to catch the sun just so in the evening, illuminating the golden flecks smattered generously around his iris; that is, if he fancied himself a writer. Which he isn’t. He wouldn't know how to translate his thoughts onto paper properly. He does know, however, that Tommy’s eyes were something only seen in fairy tales. Warm like melted chocolate and more expressive than- well, something really expressive. See, already he wasn't doing so well with the whole describing thing.

He knew that they they crinkled at the corners when he smiled- like, really smiled, the kind of smile that gets drawn out from an unexpected bubble of joy within you, and you cant fight it not matter how hard you try. Newt also knew that they danced around, skipping from object to object and avoiding meeting any gaze, when Tommy was nervous or afraid. His eyes, usually bright and full of curiosity, would seem so dark at night time; piercing through him like they could see his very soul. It made him feel naked, it made him feel alive. Darker were they still as he met Newt’s own imploringly, hand brushing ever-so-gently across the waist of his pants before a nod from Newt himself would draw a mischievous smirk across those pouty lips (crinkling the corners of his eyes with it).

And his lips, _oh his gorgeously pink lips_ , were softer than clouds and sweeter than fairy floss. A simple smile from that boy could lift Newt’s sinking spirits in seconds as he watched the corners of Tommy’s mouth curl up leisurely. He had a secret smile too, one only for Newt to see; a sleepy, half grin that graced his face only when he first awoke. A smile born with the rising sun and gifted to Newt each and every morning as they gazed at the other, two bed headed boys madly in love.

When they kissed Tommy stole the breath from his lungs and whisked him far away from the fear, the stress, the exhaustion that came with living enclosed like an animal, having to pretend that he was strong enough to lead others when he could hardly lead himself. Sometimes their kisses were urgent; desperate pecks shared behind the Homestead minutes after Tommy’s return from running the maze, fuelled by Newt’s fear of him leaving him as he had done once before (that night had managed to make it in the top five Worst Moments of his life so far). Other times, though, they kissed like they had all the time in the world to explore each other; lips pressed softly together, moving leisurely as their hearts beat as one and it felt like the universe was theirs for the taking. Newt wished bitterly that he could have stayed there forever, wrapped up in Tommy’s arms as the brunette whispered words of adoration and comfort into the silence.

Tommy’s voice was smooth like honey, and warm in all the right ways. Even when it was crackled with sleep after having just woken up Tommy managed to sound sexy. His voice was like Newt’s favourite song, he could listen to it all day and never get sick of the rich, slightly gruff melody of his speech. In his personal opinion - and, yes, he was biased - Tommy sounded the best when Newt had his body pinned under his own, his voice rough with need. He made the most delicious sounds in those moments; keening whines, throaty moans, and the occasional breathy urge for him to _go faster_ or _harder_ (to which Newt would reply with a teasing jab at his boyfriend’s impatience, before giving him exactly what he wanted anyway and drawing more of his favourite sounds from Tommy). And afterwards Tommy would cuddle Newt up in his muscular arms and tell him over again just how much he loved the blonde.

And his arms were just another on the long list of things that Newt loved about Tommy; strong and warm, he felt safest when they were wrapped securely around him. Those moments, when it was just him and Tommy existing together, Newt didn't have to be strong. He was allowed to seek solstice in his boyfriend, because Tommy didn't expect him to pretend for him. Tommy wanted him as he was and Newt had never felt more okay than he did whilst being embraced by the boy; and yes, okay was the best word to use because Newt was well-versed in not feeling okay and he knew it fucking sucked to have to hold all of his pieces together by himself and pretend he was fine. Then Thomas had come along and held him tight enough that the little broken pieces of himself started to fit back into place. Yet, despite still felling a little jagged around the edges where certain pieces didn't fit back in with the puzzle he was, Newt was a whole again with Tommy keeping him together.

Tommy didn't expect Newt to be any more than he was, and perhaps that was what he loved most about the boy; his soul. It was what had eventually pulled Newt from his self-isolation. The fact that after a full week of getting shut down if he so much as attempted to say hello, Tommy was still there. He still tried to help Newt if he was having a bad day, he still wanted to get to know him past his icy demeanour. And it took a while longer but Newt slowly defrosted, slowly learnt to live again, to be happy again. Tommy was the reason for him backing away from the ledge he so often teetered precariously on, the reason he started using the smile that had been buried inside a storm of anger and hatred so very long ago.

Newt loved Tommy’s soul, yes, and his eyes, his lips, his voice, and his arms, but when asked what his favourite thing about the boy was he couldn't help but reply with ‘his heart’. Tommy’s heart was pure, full of love and caring for those around him. He didn't think with his head, he thought with his heart and, though this often made his decisions seem irrational, in the end he always did what he had to in order to protect those he cared about. And that’s why Newt knew he could trust Tommy with the note; he knew that, no matter how hard the task, Tommy would understand why it needed to be done. That the brunette would know in his heart that Newt would be happier dead than insane, for he had almost gone insane once and he was so goddamn scared of having that feeling ever again, and that after everything they had been through together Tommy was the only person whom Newt could trust with such a thing.

When it came to the moment Newt knew Tommy would do it he was already falling apart at the seams; the disease had warped most of the good memories he had of his short time with Tommy until, in his worse moments, he had himself convinced that everything had been the boy’s fault. All the suffering, and fear, and pain. That’s why he needed to remind himself over and over again of why he loved Tommy, why he needed him more than he needed air to breathe, why he needed to be strong just one last time so that Tommy could pull the trigger like he was supposed to.

As he was wrestled to the ground his mind cleared of everything. For what felt like a lifetime Newt stared up at the boy, or really _man_ , who had stolen his heart not all too long ago. He gazed steadily into those warm brown eyes- now hooded with fear, a fact which stabbed at Newt’s rotting heart when he realised that he was one who put that there- for what he knew would be the last time. He wanted to smile, to reassure Tommy that everything would be okay, to tell him to stay strong, and that no matter what happened to his useless crumbling body his heart would always belong to him; to the boy who had helped him pick up the pieces of himself, as Newt knew someone else would have to do for Tommy once he was gone. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, that might help his boyfriend forgive him for leaving him like this, but instead he gave into the insistent terror building within him.

“Please, Tommy, please” He begged, feeling weak and useless as he watched his boyfriend’s face crumple. He was unable to do anything in the way of comforting him whilst barely keeping a grip on his slowly fading sanity. So, Newt shakily moved his hand to close around Tommy’s, aiming the gun between his eyes so that Tommy wouldn't have to. _It’s ok_ , he wanted to say, _it’s better this way_.

Tears gathered in Tommy’s eyes as his gaze swept over Newt’s face, taking him in one last time. He hesitated and Newt tightened his grip on the gun quickly, pulling the trigger for him; then, so fast he didn't realise what had happened, Newt became nothing but darkness and a single thought echoing through eternity.

_Tommy… I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> *sobs grossly*  
> Wow, ok guys this honestly started as a fluffy fic about Newt thinking about all the reasons he loved Thomas and then... Well, then this happened. My poor bbs, I feel so bad for putting them through this again; but, once the idea popped into my head it seemed like the most obvious way for this story to go honestly. In fact this fic practically wrote itself. *sigh*   
> Anyway, please feel free to express your feelings in the comment section as I know I probably deserve it after posting this heart-wrenching monstrosity. As always I'm open to constructive criticism!   
> (however, I don't tolerate hate so keep your nasty comments to yourself ty)  
> Peace out x


End file.
